Sunday, October 23, 2011

Vintage Halloween!

Forty years ago, things were a lot simpler. You could go out trick-or-treating when you wanted to and go home when you got tired or had pillaged every last piece of candy the town had to offer, you could wear a bloody costume to school and not get suspended for making threats, and the most you had to fear was a cache of razors hidden in your sweets. Even in the 80s and 90s when I was a kid, it was so much more fun. We'd start an hour before sunset and wouldn't stop until our pillow cases were overflowing!


Today, my town doesn't even allow trick-or-treating except for a small two hour slot that barely gives you enough time to finish off a single neighborhood. If you get caught past this time, you are arrested. Yes, I said arrested. My hometown arrests children on Halloween if they are not back indoors by 9:00. This year, I heard they won't allow it at all, and as a result, they have made a cheesy event downtown where kids can go. Except that the day it's to be held it's going to rain big time.


Coming from a New England town with no ultra-dipshit religitards running the show, this is just a sad abomination. What's next? Christmas presents are limited to one per child and they can only be opened at times dictated by the town manager? Bullshit I say! Let kids be kids for a goddamn change! They have enough to worry about: school shootings, cyberbullies, the creepy old nun who teaches them geometry and can't remember their name, and many other horrors.


Even costumes today are getting shittier and shittier. But I can see why. We used to put so much effort into our costumes so they could endure hours of trick-or-treating and still scare the crap out of the smaller kids and elderly alike. Today, with little to no trick-or-treating at all, a flimsy plastic costume that won't fall apart in the rain is more than enough. Most kids don't attend parties, and if they do, they usually end up getting tired of wearing the costume and ditch it so they can dance to Justin Beiber more easily. Sigh.


That is why this vintage 70s commercial for Magic Manor in Rockford, Illinois touched me. It recalls a time when Halloween was more exciting than four birthdays and two Christmases put together. A time when costumes could be realistic and frightening and not get you taken to prison for "terrorizing citizens and being a disruptive person".



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