Saturday, April 23, 2011

Tea Party Apology!

I am making a public apology to the Tea Party. No, not because you are right and I am wrong. But because I equated you with the Ku Klux Klan. That was wrong. The Klan does not support or condone your party because it is too radical. I am sorry for the confusion. You are far more insane and outrageous than I had previously stated.

Read the details here.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

A Short Visit to Bob's Furniture!

A few months ago, I mentioned that I was working through some big, serious, but very good things in my life. One of the biggest things is opening my own business, and rather than waste time learning new skills to expand it (a lot of thanks to the bullshit of AIU, which by the way is still unresolved and is probably heading to court), I did decide in the end to focus on what I already could do. I've been working in audio production and commercial music writing for a long time now, so the best solution was to open my studio to a larger audience. I did end up adding photography and video production, but screw the other shit!

Well anyways, part of setting up my home studio for a greater commercial use means getting a new, more powerful desktop computer, better stereo monitors, a variety of microphones, software upgrades, etc. Before I could do most of that, I first needed a new workstation. Currently, I'm using an old, 60+ year old desk for my business uses, and a flimsy computer table that my family bought with our very first home computer way back in 1996. Needless to say, this is a very inconvenient setup (my computer table rumbles back and forth when I print or photocopy anything).

Seeing that most music stores sell the good audio production desks at well over a thousand dollars (anything under it is usually shit, though there are of course exceptions), I started looking at local Walmarts for something inexpensive that would satisfy my needs. This turned sour quickly when I realized the desk I had nearly fell in love with was too small for the 27" monitor my new desktop comes with.

So, I took a trip to Bob's Discount Furniture on the outskirts of Worcester today to start my search. I have never spent so little time in a store and with good reason. My experience at Bob's was like going to a used car lot with dozens of wads of hundred dollar bills overflowing from my pockets. The second I set foot in this store (which was quite amazing aesthetically, they even had a huge fountain and coy pond at the entrance) the sharks began to circle. Every salesperson in the front end of the store was on me. I honestly believe that if I had forked over a few twenties, I could have gotten a good old fashioned pole polishing from them, they seemed that desperate for a sale.

After telling them I was interested in office furniture, I was directed to the leather wing. Yes, because when you think of business, your first thought is a comfortable leather couch and love seat combo. I went through the entire section and the only things close to a desk were a small hutch, a coffee table and a display of orchids on said table selling for three hundred bux. Seeing absolutely nothing along the lines of my inquiry, I thought I'd look around the entire store just to make sure I didn't pass up a good deal. Then, Willow Smith's unspeakable abomination "I Whip My Hair" started to blast throughout the store. Needless to say, I left.

This was my first, and probably only trip ever to a Bob's. From what I saw, the employees are nothing but ruthless, greedy SOBs who will do everything they can to sell you their entire stock of generic shit, and their musical taste is the aural equivalent of eating the dried shit skin left under the seat of a gas station toilet. I should have known better than to go to a store that advertises itself with some of the most annoying and creepy claymation sequences ever recorded.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Police Brutality? More Like Shitty Parenting!

I was reading a report today that was half-assed paraphrased from the crummy Today Show into the even crummier AOL news about an 8-year-old that got pepper sprayed by the police. At first, one may think "Gee, that's an awfully excessive show of force! That poor kid!" But after digging just a little deeper, we can see why this happened: the kid was attacking teachers, threatening to kill them and was crafting a shiv out of wood trim he had ripped off of the walls so as to complete the job.

Now, it may seem obvious that this happened at a school that specializes in handling children with severe emotional and behavioral difficulties. It is also reported that there is a special task force in place for such incidents. Unfortunately, the age old excuse of "He's not like that at home" comes into play and this little shit has not actually been diagnosed with anything. Kinda hard to handle a kid with that kind of outburst, even in a specialized environment, when you don't know what the fucking problem is!

I condone the police for spraying this brat. I mean, it's their job to uphold the law and protect the innocent from madmen, and if that means cracking some skull here and there, then so be it! This kid is lucky he only got pepper sprayed. If I were superintendent of that school, I'd make sure his ass was hauled off to Juvie on assault and attempted murder charges. At least he acknowledges that he's fucked up, saying he did deserve what he got. Yeah right, you deserve a lot more than that you little prick.

I blame the parents here more than anything. While your hell-spawn may be oh so perfect at home, there's more than enough evidence to show he's incapable of functioning in a social environment. Why not get off your fat ass (literally) and take the psycho to a doctor and put him on some high dose medications. It'll spare you the heartache when he's sentenced to prison for 25 to life for shooting up his high school, or for bombing the office building he manages the mail for. No, instead of that, take him on national television to share his story so you can get some attention and maybe some money.

Don't come crying to the Today Show when it's you he's stabbing. Get some goddamn help!

Friday, April 1, 2011

My Wundful Leif!

Iv ben wanin 2 try ths for wile now. i allways hav ben con siddered 1 of teh smarter folks at home, allways tellin the smart jokes and talkin bout the science of intelijent desine and polititics. People was allways tellin me "boy, you shuld be startin up sum of that ther webnet stuff, show em wat a brian can do!" My parole offisa let me visit the city not 2 long ago and I was able 2 akwire me a compooter, so here I be!

My leif is wundful i tell ya wat. it May not be 2, 2 glamrose but I get it by. Here be a pik of my house:

Now it may notbe much, but its home! This ther house has ben in my famly now for neerlie 30 years! Wow! That be like almust 3 dog lives! Last year we lost usselves a tire so we startin 2 tilt a bit mor, but we get used 2it! Mama sed it just God's hand startin 2 lift usselves up 2Heaven and I now it 2 be tru, i can feel it and heer them ther angels callin!

Last nite I went 2 see Nascar. i lov that Nascar. if it wasnt for Nascar ida neva met my soul mate Wendy. she is 1 of God's most beutiful galls I tell ya

She be a country AND a western singer! So talented she gonna be at that ther top in none time i tell ya wat! we wer at the hot dog drink stand wen we met. she was orderin up sum diet coke and a few burgers, just like I was! I tell ya it was love at 1rd site! We later fowned out that we was long lost cuzins, wat a cowinkie!

We gots mareed after the racin seeson ended and soon fowned usselves with child! Wendy gave birth 2 a beutiful boy jusin time for summa. We named him Zamboni

this pik was taken at his 2th birfday last year. hard 2 beleeve he gonna be 5 in a few munths! Allmust time for school learnin.

i went 2 my weekly gun meetin a few days ago. I allways keep a 22 in my truck, fully loaded and ready 2 go in case ofa nucular war. Gots 2 have somthin 2 fend off the communists atheists and them 1s with the funny lookin skin. and that just be on a good day a piece! I keep me lots of guns, can never be 2 safe. specialy wit a little boy 2 protect.

That ther be a little bit ofmy collecshun. The pik was taken by the police a few years ago and they took them away. I stayed a few racin seasons in the jail after that I tell ya wat. but Im proud 2 say that my collecshun ahs grown since then! i keep it in my bunker wer the police cant fin em!

i be lookin 2 the neckst ther president. I hope me that Sara Palin wins. Finally, a president you culd look at and be not 1 of them ther homosexual queers. We gots so much in comon 2 that she make a great president! She reely speek and stand wat America be about and that ther little guy, unlike some presidents who wast even born in America and dosnt have no birth sirtificat. I now becus im brian smart.

Welp i best me movin along fr now. God bless yall!