Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My Favorite Time!

I absolutely love late summer. It's still warm and the nights are still quite enjoyable, the kids are off to school in tears and I don't ever have to go back! Oh yes, this is a feeling I haven't been able to enjoy since I was four! Eighteen and a half years of education is finally over, I have a great freelance job that I can work from home with, and I can easily support myself and a small family if/when the dice roll that way. Good times indeed.

I've heard that many graduation speeches are urging graduates to flip burgers and stock shelves since there are no real jobs out there. Instead of wasting my time working like a former high school jock, I actually applied myself and created a market and job for myself. Most people turn down freelance or contract gigs, simply because "theirs not j0bb sekuritmys lol!!1" making it easier for those with brains, talent and devastatingly good looks like myself to break into such a market with little trouble. So go fry some 'taters and play with soup cans all you want, it's just for the time being, right? Just remember that little saying when you're 55 years old, bald and still working at the food court.

I have a whole lot of events coming up for the site here too. I know it's been slow, lots of shit has been going on up here involving shit eating sons of bitches going after some of my best lady friends and an alleged ghost tormenting my cousin. Yes, that last one is true. But that's dying down thanks be to Odin and I have some time to get out and see some unusual sights!

First up is the Brimfield Fair west of Worcester. It's one of the largest flea markets in the area and people bring shit from all over the country to it in a four day extravaganza covering a ton of acreage. I plan on going with my camera ready next week!

Then we have Olde Home Days here in Clinton where a bunch of trinket shops regurgitate their merchandise into the park and main streets along with meaningless and half-assed attractions. Guess who'll be there? Wanted to do that one for years now, but it rains every time it's held, hopefully that won't be the case this time around!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Finally Made It!

Last month, I opened a Twitter account to help spread my messages while I was sailing around the world on a homemade long boat. Just as I was approaching England, I was shot at and sunk by the navy! Apparently they mistook me for a Somali pirate and forbade me from entering their nation. I was only going to sack one district of London, just one! Goddamn limeys had to go and ruin everything for me!

Well, I managed to swim back to the United States not too long ago and decided to take a vacation to recover from such a long swim, and believe me, showing off these now enormously muscular arms at the beach was a real killer with the ladies! But sorry, that part of my heart was taken years ago, so too bad for you, at least you'll always know that your pathetic boyfriend is the best you can do. But don't worry, he played football in high school, I'm sure he'll turn into something great! Like a temp worker, or a bag boy, or maybe even a clerk at Walmart!

Since it's that time of year again, I'll just leave one little message: Fuck Football.