Saturday, March 13, 2010

How to Win an Online Argument!

The other night I received a truly ridiculous piece of hate mail on my Newgrounds account for a jazz ballad I arranged and recorded from a little dipshit user named Alexandrion. His review was the typical rant of bullshit spewed out by a sexually frustrated high school student who thinks he knows the ways of the world, yet can barely undo his own fly.

The review was as follows:

THERE IS NOT 1 SECOND OF JAZZY FEEL IN RHTYM OR ANYTHING.OK....THERE IS ONE SCOND BETWWEN 17 AND 18.THE REST...YOU JOKE.ARRANGEMENT....?WHAT ARRANGEMENT!ALBERTI BASE ITH A CHILDISH STRIDE MOMENT.....DEFINETLY..NOT ARRANGEMENT.SHORTLY...YOU COULD PLAY THIS VERRY ,VERRY LOW VOLUME IN A HOTEL LOUNGE...BETTER NOT POPULATD,AND PRAY NO MANAGER PASSES TO KICK YOU OUT.LISTEN,STUDY...ETC.I THOUGHT IT IS AN 11 YEARS OLD KID PLAYING.....MASTER IN MUSIC.THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.ONE STAR....FOR ONE JAZZY SECOND



How the fuck can people write this tripe and still believe that their words hold any value? I’m impressed, you’re yelling; I can tell because you typed in all caps. Either that or you broke your keyboard in a fit of jealousy over the real musicians who outshine you in every way.

But beyond that, almost every word is misspelled, there is no spacing, and the punctuation is pathetic even by kindergarten standards. This sounds like broken English mixed with a hefty dose of stupid. Do you really think that I will consider the bullshit you put on the table? Please. Get it off before you stink up the place.

I came back with a rebuttal about how I studied arranging and theory with Berklee, and then analyzed the song in question to the smallest detail to show that just because it doesn’t have a swing rhythm, the harmonic approach I used is much more complex and still qualifies as jazz, etc.

He never replied, but chose to review other songs, in all caps, and shit on my song in said reviews, all the while whining like an old bitch who can’t use her decades old coupon to take a few pennies off of a can of tuna that she’d undoubtedly share with her favorite cat. I see this more and more, what makes it seem reasonable to type like this? Does it reflect that you are yelling? No, it reflects that you are an inbred dipshit. No one reads that crap.

Hell, I barely CAN read the rant of Alexandrion. You see, I put a word in all caps for emphasis on it, but not the whole sentence. Learn something yet?

Shit, I seriously need to get myself an Asshat to English dictionary.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Crazies at The Crazies!

Well, as you can probably gather from the title, I went to see The Crazies today. If you couldn't solve that, then kindly go swallow some Drano and do the Earth a favor. And that is precisely what the filmmakers should have done. This movie was nothing more than a rehash of 1995's Outbreak, but with somewhat-but-not-really-zombies thrown into the mix. A small down gets infected with a deadly virus, this one engineered by the ever vile and and ever invading your privacy United States government, they quarantine the town, kill even the healthy and nuke it.


Oh that's right, if you don't want this movie to be spoiled, don't read that last sentence. Well, anyway, apart from the theater being much too loud and filthy, an amusing couple had to sit one row next to me. They laughed through the whole movie at the most inappropriate scenes (the death of a kid, a vicious stabbing, a government vehicle rolling off the road ten times, etc.) and I couldn't help but wonder what was so amusing? Where they sadistic and getting off on it?

Nope! They were getting off, but not on the movie. I happened to peer over at one of their louder giggle sessions and noticed the guy, ugly as all hell, getting a hand job from his girlfriend. Awesome. I can at least rest easy tonight knowing that these two perverts where not pulling the same snake at a movie packed with children. I've done a few pieces on strange fetishes, but this is just peculiar.

Sexual activity and horror generally go hand in hand (haha, see what I did there, I am just so amazingly humorous), but I'd at expect to see some good ol' S&M in the process. Oh well, I weep for the future.

Final review for The Crazies: 2 out of 5

Monday, March 1, 2010

Holy Shit, Updates!

Gentlemen, start your wanking! I have come out of my hiatus and plan on resuming articles, hopefully a new one a week as a minimum. I've had plenty of time to take in a lot of stupid shit and am eager to prove to the world why I'm right about everything I say!


To begin my updates, I'm announcing that I have started working on a weekly comic that I will post here, just a modern update on some old doodles I made in high school and with better software and time I can actually make something out of them! Secondly, I have begun experimenting with a web show that may or may not make it depending on how the ideas evolve and the quality of production!

You can expect some of the comics by the summer, but don't hope for any sort of show just yet.