Saturday, September 19, 2009

Entering the Terrible Twos!

I can't really say much for accomplishments. I took a very long series of hiatuses as several colleagues of mine entered the realm of Valhalla earlier this year making work on a humor website very difficult. I did receive more hate mail than last year, so I guess that's something, and it was all about football on top of it.

I will be adding to this post a list of my greatest articles ever later today. No mere feat considering that all of them are the greatest.

Halloween this year will be much bigger than last year, complete with a pumpkin carving article that did I sadly ran out of time for last year, and my pumpkin suffered a sever case of rump rot, making it unusable before the big day. Also, a huge prank is planned for the members of Fitchburg State, so prepare for pictures!

I should be emperor.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Birthday Present to Krowness Chronicles!

I got a wonderful gift today. It wasn't a severed Saxon head or anything nearly as awesome as that. But it came just in time for the second birthday of Krowness Chronicles:

This is my certificate of copyright; I now own the name Krowness, Krowness the Viking, Krowness Chronicles, and all writing, images, video and anything else I create! Nobody can use the name Krowness anymore, unless they pay me a royalty, and I have written proof from the United States copyright office of it!

I know a few assholes were using my name, one on NeoPets and claimed it was his own copyright (his "Krowness" was a fucking furry, retard). He is now, by law, subject to criminal prosecution for using that name. Take that you teenage bastard. I have just proven how much I rule. Report any uses of the name Krowness to me immediately, so I can either sue them or force them to pay me royalties. Unless of course, it happens to be your last name or something.

It's the law now, bitch!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

College: Where the Stupid Things Are!

I'm taking an online course in American frontier history. Nothing special, just a crappy Blackboard server and poorly written books but what should I expect from Fitchburg State, perfumed shit? Well, I have to post replies to discussions on the topics, this week on how the American colonists changed the history of the Native Americans, and I came across this. I have left it anonymous, and you will soon see why:

It is with out a doubt that the settlers of the 16th Century had a huge impact on the Native American peoples. They arrived from Europe with intentions on opening trade, then became very greedy in the pursuit of natural resources and land fro setting up settlements. Not only did they exploit these native peoples but also brought with them the many epidemics of Europe. Not knowing that the live stock that they brought with them contained many epidemics such as the small pox and the measles to name a few. The Indians gave the settlers syphilis or other wise known as Yaws. This exchange of epidemics cause hundreds of fatalities more so on the Indian side than on the settlers side.
The indians were then forced to move further inland coming unannounced onto other tribes land, this in turn causing inner turmoil with-in the indian culture. Indian tribes began to merge there tribes in hopes that they would be left alone. Their out look on this growing issue was just let the settles be, we have plenty of land. As time went on the settlers became more and more greedy. The direct result of this event caused many of the newly formed tribes to begin raiding other tribes for food and other necessities as well as women. The settlers caused a melt down which began a war known as the Native American community War of Independence.

This is the absolute dumbest thing I have ever read from a college student. And to make it worse, when you leave out my three page analysis (with proper citations), this is the fucking best post! The rest are all one sentence answers that simply state "The settlers brought disease LOL!!!1one".

Sure, I could rant about how nearly everything in this is wrong, like the fact that the primary interest in the Americas was gold and a shorter voyage to Asia, that millions were killed by epidemics in the Great Dying, or that the Native American Community War of Independence isn't fucking real.

I'm sadly not making this up. I work my ass off at anything I do, and will probably end up in a box while this finger sniffing jackass winds up as the President of the United States. I have to put up with idiocy like this on a daily basis, whether it be from people on the road thinking they can shave, read and drive at once, or from students who never got past a kindergarten reading level. If you were to have them read "Dick sees Jane. Jane sees Spot. Dick and Jane run around with Spot", the average peer would undoubtably narrate it as such:

"Dick, haha, it says dick."

By Thor's Hammer can't the Apocalypse just for once be real so I don't have to put up with this shit anymore? But no, we get this ridiculous Idiocalypse instead. Good one.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Best Time of the Year Has Begun!

It is now September, and you know what that means? That's right, Halloween is right around the corner! I was lucky enough to get into a costume store on the first and they are stock full of shitty costumes, inappropriate celebrity masks and other such oh so fun stuff!

It seems that the big item for trick or treat bags this year is Batman heads leftover from The Dark Knight a few years back. But upon asking the cashier, he said that Michael Jackson would be the prize costume. And to think, I thought Rorschach would hold that title thanks to the Watchmen movie. Oh well.

This month also marks two years of Krowness Chronicles. TWO FUCKING YEARS! And here I thought I was going to destroy this site once the class I made if for was over. To celebrate, I will list the most popular articles of all time, and of course, that means football, and a lot of pissed off, imbecile football fans who cannot see that this is a satire site.