Tuesday, April 14, 2009

You're Gross, Take a Shower!

Last week when I was in my world civilizations class, a girl sitting next to me asked the one behind me if she had dyed her hair, noticing a distinct difference in color. She replied to her friend with this: "No, I just washed it."

Am I the only one who sees a problem here? When you haven't showered in so long that your clean hair looks like it was dyed, you are possibly the absolute nastiest person on Earth, and possibly across space and time. This brings me to my point; we need to start offering courses on the basics of hygiene in college.

I have the unpleasant experience of sitting next to guys who's age is higher than their IQs and who shower maybe once a year, and they most likely do this by standing in a thunderstorm with a bar of soap from the 1930s, if they used soap at all.

We need to start hunting down these stinky bastards and force them to wash with a fire hose, which would just barely begin to scratch the crud off their mold covered flesh. Fucking take a shower you hog.

Friday, April 10, 2009

How to Get Customer Service!

I’m sure you are all looking at the title of this post and wondering, what exactly is customer service? Well my friends, this was a trait that many clerks, cashiers, wait staff, bellhops, receptionists, and many other people working in public would have. You see, they would help you find items, politely greet you and offer aid in any way necessary. That disappeared shortly after Earth fell into a deep depression following the dud of Y2K. So many people were looking forward to the end of the world that when it didn’t happen, they got super pissed at everyone and thing that lives.

So, what should you do if you don’t get an order the way you want it, or can’t get assistance from an employee? Don’t call the manager; call 911! That’s right, call the police, fire and rescue services to take time from their busy work of saving lives so they can get you more fucking shrimp in your fried rice.

I’m not kidding, I was reading the news today and was amazed that yet again some dumb bitch called 911 because her food wasn’t right. This is not the first article I’ve read about this, one happened to call because she didn’t get chicken nuggets at a fast food joint. What the fuck is wrong with you people? So far it seems that the culprits of these calls are all fat, lazy mothers with about a dozen kids with the same first initial and the same shade of red in their necks. Is this something Oprah is telling you to do?

“You don’t like the way you get treated, then call 911! You show them gals!”

Yeah, show us Oprah, show us how to perpetuate stupidity and sloth and let us stuff our faces with what WE want, don’t let no man take that away!

Here’s a very short list of things you can call 911 for:

Your house is on fire.
You are in an accident.
You are being burgled.
You witness a crime.
Your life is in danger for any reason.

Notice that not getting your chicken wings is mysteriously absent from this list. Care to take a guess as to why?

I swear people get dumber every year, and so far 2009 looks as if it will be the worst until 2010, maybe then all those hoping for apocalypse will get their wish as they make our leaders believe it would be a good idea to start a nuclear war, just for fun.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Krowness Game!

Yes, the rumors are true! I have been working on a Krowness flash game as of late, and although it is not playable yet, I have put together a very nice preview of the game. Do you like kicking ass, stealing, raiding, slaughtering clowns, and running over kids with a souped up long boat with wheels? Then you'll fucking love this game! Here's the preview! Music is "Entering the Stronghold" by Danman87 from Newgrounds.