Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Most Beautiful Thing!

I don't think further commentary is needed.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Goodbye Stupid!

A few days ago in class I overheard someone say "I'm going to miss Bush." This immediately set off my radar and I listened intently for a quick "psych" or "kidding, dumbass" or even an upward inflection of sarcasm. Sadly it never came. This man was honestly going to miss what was perhaps the worst president of all time (I say perhaps because I can't decide who was worse, Bush or Nixon).

Saying that you're going to miss Bush is like saying you're going to miss a giant pile of diarrhea just after you flush the toilet. It's bad enough that the greatest legacy Bush has left us is not a debt of 10.6 trillion dollars, or two wars, or piss poor foreign relations, it is the stupidity. Look around you. There are more dumbasses now than ever before and it's all because we had to dumb down America so the majority didn't shine brighter than the idiot in charge.

After eight years of half-tard hell, we can finally start pulling our way out of the bogs of ineptitude. And trust me, four years of Obama will not fix that, it will take at least half a century before the average IQ is back to 100 and not 5. And if Sarah the Stupid somehow gets elected in 2012, then I pray to Odin that the world does end on Dec. 21 of that year just to avoid the hell that an absolute mouth breathing brain dead schmuck like her would create. If she didn't nuke everyone first. Hell, that's probably what the Mayan's envisioned and why their calendar ends when it does...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Things That Make Me Feel Old!

This May I turn 22. Now while this may not sound like a lot, living for two decades can bring a lot to a Viking warrior and I have entered the first stages of a quarter life crisis. So to celebrate, here is a list of things that make be feel like an old codger. Now get reading before I fling the contents of my colostomy bag at you!

The Power Rangers first appeared when I was in the 1st grade.

Pokemon made their debut when I was in the 6th grade.

I can remember quite clearly the OJ Simpson trial and my friends and teacher place bets on the verdict.

I have played both Super Nintendo and Nintendo 64.

I remember when the GameBoy Pocket was all the rage, and when it was replaced by Color.

When I was in middle school, we used encyclopedias and reference books only for research, because we didn’t have Internet.

Realizing that The Adventures of Pete and Pete is nearly twenty years old kinda gets to me. The same can be said for the Rugrats.

I remember the day Rocko’s Modern Life premiered.

I remember Squeeze-it drinks.

When I was a lad, there used to stores called KB Toys, Victory Supermarkets, Caldor’s and Bradley’s.

I’m old enough to know about the huge sensation that Independence Day created.

The greatest amusement park in the local area was Whalom Park (though it was actually a rusty, run down shit pile right up to its closing).

I remember the Coca-Cola “Holidays Are Coming” song and the convoy of trucks in the ads every Christmas.

We used to have these places called “arcades” in every mall.

I remember when grunge music was new and changing the world one bad song at a time.

I can remember the banning of slap bracelets due to the outrage they brought to parents and teachers for being “dangerous” and “violent”.

Beanie Babies first appeared when I was in the 4th grade.

I remember playing my dad’s Atari and thinking it was the pinnacle of human creation (it was).

I can remember the Old Man in the Mountain in New Hampshire from actually seeing it and not in the images that remain after its collapse.

A decade has past since the raping of Star Wars with The Phantom Menace.

My first computer’s mass memory was measured in megabytes.

I remember when everyone thought the Palm Pilot would eliminate laptops. Whoops.

My first year of high school was eight years ago.

I remember pogs.