Saturday, November 29, 2008

Jocks: The Pinnacle of Human Evolution!

I was reading the news on bullshit AOL today when I noticed an article that pissed me off just from the title ($6 Million Tutoring Center for Jocks Only). Apparently at the University of Illinois a special tutoring center has opened so that jocks can get some much needed help in school. At first I thought, "That's a great idea! We need centers for these dumbasses to learn how to speak, walk, read, perform basic mathematical operations and a crash course in how to say 'Do you want fries with that?' so that these unnecessary sacks of meat can earn a basic living."


Then I saw that this center is free for athletes, and off limits to all others. That's right, the graphic designer or computer scientist who work 58 hours a week at both of their jobs to pay for school also have to pay for tutoring as part of their tuition, but someone who can throw a ball gets it for free. Not only that, but these special jock centers come equipped with top of the line leather recliners, high definition plasma screen TVs, Wii and a horde of bullshit that won't help you in school.

The only reason these tutoring centers can be opened is because the athletic departments sponsor them, even though they are only open to roughly 0.014% of the average university's population. Proponents claim that these dumbass facilities are to "help students for life after sports" because "they all think they will turn pro". Wake up. There is no life after sports for these idiots. They get jobs at Shaw's and play catch with boxes and invent improvised versions of basketball with soup cans instead of mopping the aisles or stocking the shelves proving that jocks have an IQ somewhere between that of a chimp and creationist.

Why do we let this happen? Why do we treat these brain dead mouth breathers like they created the universe and everyday deserve praise just for allowing us to live? To make it worse, one of the jocks interviewed for this news article was talking about how he needed this so he didn't watch TV instead of studying for his science major. What kind of science can a jock ever hope to major in? Sociology? Please. Like you could handle genetic sequencing, gravity and time relations or even begin to grasp the uncertainty principle like people who study real fields of science.

The most science you will ever use is how much air to put in a fucking ball while you run a gym class at the local high school for the rest of your life until you get arrested for getting too close to the male students. 

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