Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Krowness Poetry 2!

Girls in Hats

Whatever happened to
Those fine young gals in
Flowery hats that
Appeared in pictures so long
Ago?
Arms crossed in a wooden box
Or sucking liquefied potato chips
Out of an IV perhaps?

Have we come so far
As to ignore the hat shops
And drive them into the past?
Gone! Gone!
Replaced with stores for hip-hop
Pants that flash enough of the
Plumber’s crack
To blind the eyes of the
Most brooding ape.

I miss my gals in hats
Down on Coney Island,
In swimming stockings
And a rubber cap
While I run by
Careful not to show
My chest. Always
Careful…





Chinese Olympics

Kill the monks,
Go ahead. See if I give
A rat’s ass.
They’re terrorists,
At least that’s what they said.
It must be true, for I
Have never known a Chinese
Man to lie. Especially if he has
A gun.

They started a new game-
The Flying Guillotine.
I hear it’s a blast,
Or have you not seen that
Movie?
It was really cool,
Lots of blood and
Decapitations.
I miss my Coney Island
Gals in fine hats.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Value of a Textbook!

I had my very last day at the hellhole today. I’m so happy; I could sink a shipload of missionaries heading to Viking lands in order to convert us all to fundies who have no intelligence and think evolution is a fairy tale.

Well anyway, I went to the college bookstore to return my books. The courses I took this semester were one history (which I dropped because the fuckwit in charge of online classes couldn’t get any information straight and half the sites he made us use for research do not exist anymore, and one could not log me in because the password that came with my $180 book was defective), a world literature, editing/publishing, art and music technology.

In total, I spent $614.84 on books. I have the exact amount in my check book so I know it's accurate. After I dropped the online course I found that I could not return those books, so I got screwed with those pieces of shit that do not even detail the migration of Homo sapiens from Africa to other continents, yet marks dates on the front cover from Early Man – 1200s. The editing book could not be sold back because pages in the back had to be torn out for class work. The art book was never used. The music tech is obsolete due to the rate of technological evolution.

So that leaves me with two high quality books (history and editing) that I could get some good wampum on, if they were returnable. The art book was not put in for the fall classes and the most I can get is $16. The only ones I could sell back were the ones for my literature course. I go to the bookstore and see how much I can get back. One is not begin taken. This leaves me with a single book left to return, and it came to a grand total off…


Oh my gods, I’m going to cum! Five big ones!

That’s right. After spending $614.84 on books, where four books were used and two were brand new, the total value they have is five dollars, and a whole lot of shitty toilet paper with the non-returnable ones. This is about 0.8% of the total I spent at the start of the year (a more exact value is 0.8132196994%).

Had this not been my final semester, I’d be bashing a few heads in right now and splitting a few college bureaucrats in half with my battle axe. But since I have an account on Amazon.com, I figured I can make up the difference (yeah right) by selling a few there (excluding the history, as it makes a claim that it is illegal to sell it if it’s out of the original packaging. Stupid comic book guys making textbooks…).

So that is the value of all the educational tools you buy in a lifetime, about 0.8132196994%. No matter where you go, what you buy or how you spend your time at the educational institute of your choice, it will probably always boil right back to 0.8132196994%.