Monday, November 26, 2007

Merry Xmas Heathens!

While driving home from class today, I saw a sign on a fundie Baptist church in my hometown that said “Merry Christmas is Spiritually Correct”. I just couldn’t pass up another opportunity to not only show how incorrect that is but also to showcase another fundamentalist nut job in the process.

Christmas is
not a Christian holiday. It never was. It never had anything to do with Christ. The holiday that became fused with the idea of Jesus was celebrated for over four thousand years and did not become “Christmas” until at least three hundred years after Jesus supposedly died, if he even existed at all.

The entire holiday is a montage of Roman and Norse winter solstice celebrations, from garland to decorating trees to gift giving and feasting. Other traditions, such as mistletoe, come from the practices of the Druids. In fact, the whole use of the date Dec. 25 is stolen from Mithraism (a popular religion in the Greco-Roman area almost identical to Christianity but with Mithra instead of Jesus). All of these facts can be found online, so I’m not going to parrot them back and turn this into an essay.

Instead I’m going to say this; the “War on Christmas” that so many silly fundies are ranting about only exists (as much as a modern myth can at least) because of their bitching. What is it with these kinds of Xians that they have to gripe about every fiddler’s fart? Oh noes, it’s the gay; and they have equal rights; they’ll kill us, run! We can’t protest soldiers’ funerals and make hostile remarks at the mourning families, it’s persecution I tells ya! We can’t even bomb abortion clinics in the name of God anymore! Ah!

Now, I know that about 95% of Christians are not like this and it’s only a very small minority, but the fact is that this minority has a very big and very annoying voice. When I was a kid, I went to a particularly strict Protestant church and we were told to remove Christmas from public so that it wouldn’t offend our non-Christian brothers and sisters. (However, they are now saying the complete reverse with a new fundie minister who just started). Then I found out I was baptized Catholic and went to Mass. There was no hullabaloo about “Christmas being attacked!” in fact; such stories were never mentioned at all.

I converted to Paganism of a Druid/Asatru mix after I realized that never really believed what I was told in church and have felt much better ever since. I don’t care if you come up to me and say “Merry Christmas” though. I’m not going to pull out my battle axe and cleave your head in two while shouting “It’s Yule, not Christmas!” and proceed to boycott Target and Wal-Mart for not using the holiday I happen to celebrate, as if they knew.

It doesn’t bother me if it’s called Christmas, Yule, Solstice, Hanukah, or Kwanza. This is why we have “Happy Holidays”, not to “destroy Christmas, rawr” but to make sure that everyone, including fundie Xians, gets counted. Believe me; this is much better than having a cashier ask for your religion first so he or she can issue the proper greeting.

But if they did, you can be sure that the fundies would be shouting how “they’re looking for True Christians™ so they can feed us to the beast! Oh noes! The end is nigh! Let’s go to Rapture Ready and tell them it’s time to send out our ‘Rapture Letter’ before we get sucked into the sky!”

Until next time, have a good holiday shopping season to prove that you love your friends and every member of your extended family and Happy Yulistmasolsticehanukwanza!

1 comment:

Masquerade said...

I really like this post. Most of the decorations we use, especially our excessive use of light, was originally created to keep away evil spirits and keep the hope for spring alive, which I'm sure you know. Christmas trees were being used in Russia before Martin Luther ever figured it out. :P Thanks for your blog!